Even Here

01 16, 2021

Peace even here,” shines in her mind.  As she tried to call back the other shining moments that happened, it’s the questions that burned brightest:

How do I find Peace in this, “I’m not where I want to be, in the not-yet.

How do I approach the dissonance that is here now?

How do I find Peace in this, “I have questions, what does this look like?”

Can I experience Peace without anything changing, facing into the unknown?  I want to do something, but I don’t know what it is; I want community, but I don’t know who or where.

Can I experience Peace where I want the Peace to pull me out of that place, where I want it to make the discomfort go away?

How do I meet this with Peace? What would it be like to bring the energy of Peace to this conversation around meaningful work?

So she closed her eyes and sat in that darkness allowing her mind to go where it would if she turned her attention in the direction of her life’s experience of work– could she bring peace to remembering.  Initially all she could see was the darkened hallway, dim light in each of the rooms there along it.  When her attention moved in the direction of the rooms at once she was in a ‘funhouse’ (a misnomer if there ever was one).  Moving from room to room in the half-light she caught her distorted reflection in the mirror, in one room it was tall and narrow, the next short and wide, a creepily wavey image in the next.  She recognized the shame, the regret, the frustration, resentment, self-pity, and dismay that peered back at her from each.  Her memory of her work was fraught.  Her body felt sick in the stomach and her footing unsure. How would she know Peace here….“even here,” she thought.