02 19, 2021
Nothing is not the absence of something.
Nothing has a presence all its own. It is some thing;
Something that sometimes, when I try to rise above the familiar, moves like an invisible force field out in front of me, shaping my experience around it,
Something that sometimes, when I reach inside myself to give, slips through my hands like sand.
Nothing is what I see as my personal resource to provide for the horses in the face of this new and epic winter storm.
Nothing informs my self-concept the way ‘non-profit’ informs a business model.
Nothing is, not surprisingly, what I feel when I try to imagine passion.
Nothing is, not surprisingly, what I imagine when I try to dream.
My ancestors, like many women before them and since, arranged their lives around Nothing and often, rising from the ashes of their desire and will to provide, found the gift of themselves to give.
Loneliness and Fear can come in and cozy up beside Nothing, as though someone gave them each the key to the backdoor, which they enter without waiting for an invitation. There was really no need to provide two keys because they rarely come by themselves. I used to believe they were the thing, the issue to be dealt with, but I recognize them easily now; they come to visit Nothing.
I would have asked you, my dear friend, how do I get rid of Nothing?. Can it be banished, or made irrelevant, convinced to pack up and move out? I see it lurking about the house from time to time. I suppose I’ve known it was there for a long time but thought it best to ignore it, focus on its uninvited houseguests, Loneliness and Fear. Currently, I’m thinking it’s not likely that any of them will actually leave town. Maybe the best to be hoped for is that I retrieve the car keys from Nothing and insist they all ride in the back seat.
Peace, even here.
Spark of Mind 