02 28,2021
It wasn’t just that it was the worst winter storm to hit Texas in decades; it was a storm that obstinately could not be forecasted accurately farther out than about 36 hours. It began just looking like “real bad weather comin’ in a week or so.” As it neared, the temperatures in the forecast dropped each day over the course of its stay and the duration of its stay was extended beyond the days in each of the previous forecasts. This is to say, preparation for this storm was a fool’s game. In reality, we were responding to each 12–24-hour period as it came. As the overnight temperature slid down the chart where it finally bottomed out at 5 degrees, a rhythm of horse care and maintenance was established consisting of five outings a day over 12 hours, from daybreak to dusk. Out in the barnyard each trip would involve breaking ice and lifting it out of the troughs, scooping and carrying poop out of the shelter, replenishing hay bags, and alternatingly delivering grass pellets or alfalfa flakes to keep their internal furnaces always well-fueled.
If you were just watching the movie, the elements were: highly unpredictable and potentially perilous weather and ground conditions; little or no experience to draw from in weather of this magnitude; and possibly dire consequences.
Before any horse care could happen there was the clothing assemblage at the back door, layer upon layer. This was exactly how I prepared for whatever unexpected things I might encounter; the real preparation, as I see it now, was conveyed in the articles of clothing.
The things I wore:
Red Tights – 2009. These were a gift from my mother when colored tights were hot. They stopped being fashion wear and got promoted to thermal layering under jeans a few years later.
Black DKNY tights – 2010. The fashionista diva in me has relaxed quite a lot, for better or for worse. These black tights are thick and were the alternate and slight upgrade to the red ones.
Silkies long underwear –January 2013. I purchased these to wear at one of a few week-long contemplative retreats I attended in Taos. I almost forgot I had them. When I bought them, they were a bit uncomfortable, but they were less uncomfortable than being unbearably cold when I was walking around in Taos in January. Now 8 years later and 15 pounds lighter, they’re just right.
Polar fleece lounge pants –January 2012. I purchased these in Petaluma after the first day of training for Somatic Coaching certification at Strozzi Institute. The evenings in Petaluma were cold and damp in January and I had packed nothing warm enough for relaxing at the end of the day back at the HomeAway. Linda, (a dear friend from Austin who also attended the introductory level of the training and with whom I shared the cottage) and I stopped at a K-Mart to shop their post-Christmas sale for something cheap and cozy. Black fleece loungies with a purple fleece top came home with me from the first level of somatic coaching certification.
Sweatpants – November 1999. I bought these sweatpants to take and wear as pajamas in the Sacred Valley in Peru because at 13,000’ elevation no conventional pajamas were up for the task. Along with wool socks and a sweatshirt, they saw me through 11 nights after hiking and exploring the ruins in the Sacred Valley and Machu Pichu with 5 other women.
Ralph Lauren black cashmere sweater– 2014. This was a gift from my sister-in-law, who is a professional chef for a private estate. The ‘Lady of the House’ was clearing her closet and offered the staff first takes before it all went to charity. Kendel saw 2 cashmere sweaters in my size, the black one and a navy one., “I thought you could wear them when you’re out with the horses,” she said when she handed them to me. Ha! Ralph Lauren cashmere and horses – never a pairing that would have otherwise come to my mind. I never wore them out with the horses, but the times I had worn them, I felt different. Some things, like cashmere, just do that.
Black fleece vest – September 2013. The vest has the logo of the Coaching with Horses Academy on it. I purchased it in Colorado during that coaching certification training. While I was there, I learned a lot more than simply a method of Equine Assisted Coaching. After the training was over it took a long time for me to reach for this vest in my closet because the memory associated with it was harsh and indelible. My response to the experience of that program created a hard veer from my intended path.
Purple hoodie “Dawgs” sweatshirt. – September 2006. I accompanied Wayne to Tacoma on a trip for business. It poured down rain the entire time, but we braved the elements and got out a lot anyway. I wore a pair of made-to-order western boots, the only footwear I had with me; they were never the same. I bought the hoodie at the University bookstore, not that I knew anything at all about the school’s sports team, but its color is purple, and it has a husky dog on it. I’m very fond of both.
Black REI Gore-Tex coat –November 2002. I got this coat for a second trip to Peru. Wayne and I went with a group of people, a few he knew well, and I knew slightly, and the rest we only met on the trip. It was another excursion through the sacred ruins, this time lead by a local Shaman. Near the end Wayne got seriously ill, really crazy high fever, so he spent a lot of time in the room, slept, hardly ate and barely pulled himself together to move on to the next town with the group. I honestly wondered if he would die. He finally got some medicine, which eventually broke the fever and, except for being exhausted to the bone, he made the trip home alright. We had been married only 7 months.
Several combinations of gloves of various types and materials. My favorite gloves for doing barn work in the cold were a pair of black pleather, fleece-lined driving gloves that had belonged to my mother. She gave them to me one day, as she was in the habit of insisting that I take certain things of hers during her final year. Mostly I said yes because it seemed to give her so much pleasure. Some things I insisted that she keep, I know now because I wanted her to still believe that she would need them sometime…or maybe I wanted to still believe she would. Early in the storm two fingers on the right hand blew out at the ends. I tried patching the holes with black Gorilla tape, but the tape is a magnificent conductor of temperature and my fingers nearly froze. After several other trials, the final and best solution for warm hands was a little pair of black sweater-knit gloves with faux ocelot fur trim (another gift from my mother; she bought them at the Dollar General Store for me to keep in my car for when the steering wheel was too hot to hold in the summer – the irony) worn inside a pair of Wayne’s ski gloves. Warm like toast.
What I recognize now is that there was no real ‘gear’ in this assemblage, nothing that was purchased as winter barn clothes. Each piece of clothing came from another time, and with it, stories and memories forged from experiences. Situations, circumstances, people, places, and points in time – each and all were what it took to bring me to this moment, to this time when the person I have become would summon all the constitution I have to draw on to give my best to my beloved horses. These were the things I wore, the things that kept me safe, feeling strong enough, up-to-the-task enough to get out and do it again, every time. In truth, it is always what prepares me for the unknown/unknowable just ahead. Everything that’s come before is always there. I must trust that.
Peace, even here.
Spark of Mind 